Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Good morning...

This is quick and short...

I got the port in and I wasn't expecting pain like I have had...Where they put it in at is not painful.. My shoulder is what is aching so bad... They did call in pain meds and I figured it is suppose to hurt if they did that... And boy oh boy the pain meds make me loopy...But it does take the pain away...

I ordered some hats..Geesh..Didn't know it was going to be so difficult because they are all so pretty... I didn't order any scarves..I may in a couple of weeks..I like simplicity and I just want something I can slip on my head and not fuss with it..But I also want to look nice... And looking at the pictures of the fancy scarves I know I will only get frustrated trying to tie them in the back...It's like Christmas bows...I want to make bows like in pictures in mags and when I do them the bows look like a cat got a hold of them..

I have so many beads that I wanted to start making my own beaded jewelry.. The beads have been sitting in my craft room...Well I want to make matching stuff to go with the hats...

They didn't put me all the way under...Didn't want to... It wasn't bad... I don't remember some of it..I just remember the doctor talking foot ball and then I said I like Miami Dolphins and then said I hope your finished so you don't mess up Because I like the dolphines...Dr. Nowell cracked up.. They were all so nice...

I hope you have a wonderful day... Going to take another dose of the loopy meds..

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Tuesday.....

This afternoon the port goes in...I am a bit nervous and can't have anything to eat or drink.. The no having water is the bad thing..I don't care about the eating part.. But I am managing...

I was going to rant and rave about something yesterday and I have calmed down a bit... I am not always calm about this whole cancer stuff...

I went to the cancer awareness meeting...I understand what they are there for... I understand they want to help... It is coming to the point that they want me to think of cancer 24/7...I am not that way...Yes I am going through chemo starting friday... Yes every morning after I have chemo I will be reminded of the cancer...Every person I see and I have seen alot want you to fill this paper out about how your feeling today...I call it the feel good paper...Are you sad? Are you fearful? Are you nervous? Are you worried? Are you happy?? Oh yeah I am super duper happy I have this beast in my breast!! Then they have this other part about your health with many questions...then they have this part about your intimacy in your life..>Sorry none of their business...Yesterday I had enough.... I marked everything no except the worry part and then I told her if I didn't mark something yes they would put me away!! Sorry I just couldn't take all that...Sometimes it takes alittle something for me to blow my gasket..

But the whole thing was a waste of my precious time...I didn't learn anything I haven't been told by many others.. Then she proceeded to tell me about all this free stuff...Yes there is many but the first visit is free and then after I have to pay $30 each time I go. Sorry will not do that...And if you think I am going to drive across town to exercise you have another thing coming... And the nutritionist they want me to see and I know everything I just have to put it to work... So I am ditching that whole thing...

I realized over the last month I have my Church family and friends and blogger friends and my family ...That will do just fine...

Oh the only thing I got out of this meeting is the girl told me her friend had a bi-mastectomy and she had a shirt made for her that said "these are not real, the real ones almost killed me" Now I got a laugh out of that... The only thing that really really really bothered me is this girl and she was very young to be the coordinator and she was telling me all about cancer and the programs but you could tell she had a sprayed tan all over because she was a bit orange...Why??? This is a chemical... So I think that did me in to...

I called my hubby after I got out of the building and told him everything...Poor guy because I was just venting to him about it...

I do have to tell you I have been having so much fun looking at different scarves and turbans and hats...Goodness I can't decide....It is hard to pick them out on line..I am trying to stay away from white and tan...But they are so pretty...I am going to make some decisions in that to get tonight...

My goal this winter is to learn to read crochet patterns... Knitting patterns...It's all Greek to me...

Sorry about the venting...I just needed to.. This blog isn't going to be happy happy all the time....It will be about good times and frustrations...

Have a great day....

Sunday, August 28, 2011

A nice weekend...

Where did the weekend go...

Russ and I watched some news coverage of the Hurricane going up the East Coast.. I hope my relatives and Blogging friends are doing well...Prayers sure went up for ya'll..

Saturday Russ and I and Tim and Jessica went to Hobby Lobby...It was fun watching my Son and Hubby just walk around...They were so lost and didn't know what to do...Tim especially doesn't like that kind of stuff..

Jessica was looking at material for a pattern she wants to make...Both Jessie's mom and I both laughed because she picked the most difficult dress to make...It is a halloween dress and it is victorian... And she is making it out of satin!!! And she has NEVER sewen before... I know she will get help from Brenda (her mom) and I..Anyone who knows Jessica she will do get it done...

I didn't get much at Hobby Lobby.. I was enjoying just looking around.. After Hobby Lobby we went out to lunch and it was nice relaxing lunch... We decided to head out to Kalona. Iowa to the cheese factory.... Jessica has grown up in Iowa and has never been to it...The only thing we get to the counter with our cheese and Jessica hands her visa card to them and they say no visa...WHAT???? Checks they will take...Well she doesn't carry checks with her anymore...Russ likes to carry cash with him so he had enough for them and us... I was shocked but then again I am in Amish country and they don't believe in modern times..Duh Lisa!!!


After coming home we relaxed and it was nice....

Today ( Sunday ) we woke and went to church...Goodness every worship song I felt was for me today... I really needed church this morning and it took me long enough to realize church is what I have needed for along time and it took cancer for me to wake up...I felt so loved and I know they have always loved Russ and I just wouldn't let anyone in...And I see the love all around me now...God is surely working on me..God is showing me through cancer alot of blessings that I would have never seen before...I can talk about cancer without tears flooding me..This morning when I woke up and was laying in bed with my hubby and we just held each other and I had this overwhelming feeling everything is going to be alright...Yes it will be rough but in the end I know everything is going to be alright....It was just a beautiful Sunday for me knowing that God is beside me 100% of the time...

Monday is a busy day getting everything ready for when the chemo starts on Friday...Tuesday I have the port put in for the chemo... This week I will be starting a new journey...I will be journaling about my fight...I wasn't going to write about it but this is who I am now...But I am now making plans for my good days to finish projects that I have been wanting to finish for years and I will be sharing that with you to..... This coming weekend my kids are coming to make my porch under the deck my little retreat to go to so I can get out side in fresh air...I am so thankful for my kids...

Have a wonderful week and may it be filled with many blessings...

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Thinking of you...

Just want to say that I am thinking of all of you along the East Coast..Stay safe and I am praying for you...

Bridget and Aunt Bobby stay safe, along with Nora and Hank on Long Island and Lindy and Tom in New York....Ya'll are in my prayers....,

Love you all...

Friday, August 26, 2011

My Angel



This past June/July my daughters cat Molly had a huge tumor and very aggressive one... We debated on surgery and we decided to have our wonderful Vet take the tumor out...Well this is a picture of her just a few moments ago... She loves blankies or quilts...Especially if Kim or I are cuddled under them..She wants to join... I was watching the noon news today and she curled up next to me...

Molly is my angel because if we had put her down or she had not had the tumor I would not have found mine for along time...

Anyways this is my last normal weekend... it's almost like the first time you send your first child off to college because your life changes...or you become the dreaded empty nester...Your life changes...

Well mine is about to change and yes I am scared...Actually I am petrified of the whole thing...But I have family and friends that will be there for me...The most important thing is I can lean on the Lord through out this journey at any time..Talk with Him at any time... I feel so Blessed...

I am not sure what I am doing this weekend...I know for sure we will go to church..Then on Saturday I would like to go to Hobby Lobby and that might be a huge mistake... I love that place...Russ will have to hold my wallet... material and yarn like I need more!!! And he asked me do I really need more...BUT BUT HONEY I am going to be in the house for 5 months with a bald head.. But I don't think my precious daughter in law and my precious daughter will allow me to be stuck in doors....I told Russ I only want to LOOK at the yarn and fabric and under his breath he goes yeah right!! I told him I heard that!!! We both laughed...


And the really neat thing about this whole thing is I am or we are laughing more...I am more relaxed...That is the power of prayer people!!

Now to make a grocery list for this week and then to have some fun this weekend....

May your weekend be precious and be filled with many Blessings...

Thursday, August 25, 2011

moving fast!!!

Good morning...

Saw my surgeon yesterday afternoon...Getting the Port in on Tuesday and starting chemo next Friday... So this is my last weekend before chemo and all the side affects take place...Everyone is different when it comes to the side affects..It will be a long weekend for Russ to help me out if the side affects are harsh.....All I know is the surgeon is really nice and has such a positive outlook for me...He told me yesterday that his patients who have had the cancer I have are doing fantastic...So I am thrilled to take this journey to healing my body and changing my life style..

My cancer awareness meeting was cancelled and I was so glad....I haven't had a day this week that hasn't had anything to do with doctors and cancer...

I have cleaned this morning and it has felt fantastic...Windows opened to the fresh air...Beautiful morning...birds singing...

I went out on the deck and brushed my Germy Shep/Husky mix and boy oh boy did she have piles of hair....I threw it all over the deck for the birds so they can line their nest...They do that for the winter... They love Holly's fur because it is so soft...

Russ wants to do somethings on Saturday to have fun...We want to go to Hu Hut for lunch or dinner this weekend...It is Russ's favorite places to eat and he has been such a trooper that he deserves it..I like the place to... We will get together with the kids this weekend and have some fun...It would be awesome to drop in on Kim at college... We shall see..She doesn't like surprises and it would tickle me silly to surprise her...

Again I am going to remind all of you who are of female descent..If your have girls on your chest get the mammo...You are going to be sick and tired of me telling you this...So be it... Get one...I don't want anyone to go through what I am going through because I was so darn stubborn to go..Don't be stubborn and let your girls be squashed for a little bit to have a peace of mind... And check your girls monthly...get to know your girls...so if something is different you know right away... Okay off the subject...

I am going to be emailing all you wonderful ladies who have commented the last few weeks... You are precious with your words of wisdom your encouragement...

Now to my brother!!!! I am going to do great..I do want to keep in touch throughout all this.. And yes we will cry together on the phone...Love you bro and tell Rita a big hi for me... ((((HUGS))) to the both of you....


Louann ((((HUGS)))) it is our year with health issues isn't it...

Have a great day...May it be filled with many blessings...



Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Happy dance...



Yes some more good news... So I was doing the happy dance once again... :)

Love this picture because I felt like that...

Went to the cardiologist because I had to make sure that the chemo that I will be getting makes the heart weaker... My EKG was great...No signs of heart attack...I found out last November I had the ECHO done which I knew I had one recently, that showed the heart muscle in really good shape...He didn't think I needed another echo but tell that to my oncologist... She already scheduled one for me at St.Lukes on friday...Because the cardiologist office isn't doing ECHO's there this week...And my oncolgist already checked and scheduled it for me.. THEN I found out my oncologist already scheduled for the port to go in on Tuesday!!! Oncologist isn't fooling around with this...She is brand new to the area and my cardiologist said hey embrace her she is working for you and not against you..She is going to take great care of your care... This was the first time I saw this cardiologist because they keep leaving..I asked him if he was going to leave to??? He said not that I know of..>Let me tell you he was YOUNG!!! Goodness like my Son Tim's age... I know he is older because he had to go to school for so long...Like my son Tim said mom the younger ones know about all the new technology so go with it.. But my cardiologist took my hand and said his mom had stage two and she is fiesty and healthy as ever.... Very nice doctor... God sure is taking care of me through these doctors who HE put in front of me to help me conquer the beast of cancer....

I see my surgeon this afternoon...

OH and guess what??? My dear sweet rock of a hubby bought me this HP-I-Pod Touch that HP is getting out for $99.... He wanted me to have it so I can take it with me to chemo and play with it during chemo...He set it all up last night...It is light...Now I have to figure out how to do the whole kindle thing...I am not literate with this stuff... I am having fun with it tho...

Well need to do a few things before going to the surgeon... I have this weekend to get organized and a nice and clean home...

Have a great day...

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

cha-ching cha-ching....

These doctors think I am made of money or I have this money tree in my back yard...Every time I see one it is $50 and it adds up quickly when they keep asking you to see this doctor and that doctor...ARGH!!!!!

My oncologist is moving at a high rate of speed....She is good and I am glad but slow down alittle and let me absorb somethings...

Two doctor appointments tomorrow...my cardiologist for a yearly and to see if my heart can take the chemo....then in the afternoon to see the surgeon to set up the port and maybe to take a few nodes... I don't know.. Can't understand the oncologist to well....but she is thorough let me tell you....

Guess what??? I had chest xray yesterday and it is good...I was doing a happy dance after that...

Oh and another thing that I was doing a happy dance about was the fact I can not shovel snow this year....OH YEAH OH YEAH I'm doing the happy dance...I can really enjoy the snow this year while I watch someone else shovel...Russ and I have decided to hire a company to do it...and if we like them enough we may hire them for the cutting of the grass next year.... Less to worry about...

Well off to do some food shopping I think....or rest or clean....

Have a great day....

Monday, August 22, 2011

Monday

Well where do I begin......Saw the oncologist...not the news I wanted to hear...

I have stage 2 cancer not stage one... It is a very aggressive cancer..My oncologist is great. Hard to understand but very very thorough... She wants me to start chemo first because of where the cancer is located..She doesn't think the cancer has spread to the lymph nods but when they put the port in they will take some nodes and have them tested to see if the cancer has spread.. Even if the nodes aren't affected they want me to do chemo because of the type of cancer it is...

I asked her the survival rate with this type and of course she said pretty high with my age and health and the stage it is at...

I will be having 5 months of chemo... it will be in 2 phases.. one before surgery and then surgery and then more chemo...and that is with a mastectomy being done...

I cried all the way home.... I wasn't expecting this so today is a real low day...

I had a chest ex ray and blood drawn today... Wednesday I see my cardiologist and I have to do a echo before I start everything with having the port put in and then the surgery for the nodes to be checked for spreading...

I am praying that the chest ex ray is clean... That will be good news if it is...

I know my hair will be falling out...so I have been looking on line for pretty hats.. scarves and ect...I will be fashionable this way...start a trend...or maybe the trend is already there....

Sunday, August 21, 2011

A fun weekend....

It has been a great weekend... But this house is so quiet....I expect my daughter to come out of her room... Nope...it's not going to happen till she comes home on a visit from college...I have been through it before and they have come home but it still does not get any easier..

Saturday morning Russ decided we were going to the down town farmers market..We have not gone at all this year.. So we woke up early and went off to the market..had our basket you pull..Old ladies cart I call it.. When we first bought I was embarrassed...How I have changed my mind it comes in handy at farmers markets and flea markets.. The bad thing about it, you buy more..well that isn't that bad...It felt good getting healthy food...Tonight's dinner is Korean Fried Rice with all fresh veggies...

We were home by 9 am...Yes we go early.. I had a few things to get at the grocery store such as organic eggs and organic milk.. I was tired and we rested for the rest of Saturday...

Saturday evening a friend came by to visit..Tim K.. We had sandwiches for dinner and it was so nice to talk to him and listen a man of wisdom when it comes the God.. I didn't want to go to church and he talked with us and I decided not to stay home that I must go..

Sunday Russ and I woke early and enjoyed a nice breakfast and read the newspaper..I decided to go back to the newspaper..I really like reading it and with all the medical bills coming up in the future I can read and look for sales and keep track for the holidays....I have tried reading the news on the internet, I just like having that paper in hand just like a good book...I want to hold the book in hand!!! Not a kindle.. My daughter loves her Kindle...

Time seemed to crawl till it was time to go to church.... On the way to church we picked up Dan my eldest to take him back to his old place and clean it up while we were in church... Church was wonderful... The sermon was great and the worship team was great... I needed church so bad and I am so thankful that Tim K. urged me to go.. I had tears in my eyes many times when those who knew I had cancer came up to me.. I am not an emotional person...goodness the emotions were there...They have been deep deep with in...I am not so sure I am ready for all the emotions.. I realized I have to let go of them...

After church we had some lunch and then tackled the garden...it was so overloaded with weeds... Russ pulled all the tomatoes...I picked all the green ones and then I pulled the beans...Then Russ pulled all the weeds around the strawberries and we found some ripe strawberries..

I told Russ to relax and watch a movie and I was going to blog... He needed to relax a bit...He has been my rock through all this... Didn't know he had it in him...But he has been my rock...What a man I have...

One thing that bothers me tho and I know it is all about the emotional part of it all...Now the medical community knows about my cancer and I am now getting things in the mail about cancer.. One thing I do not want is to be reminded I have cancer 24 hours a day...I want to live and I want to enjoy life.....I know I have cancer...As I was walking through the farmers market Mercy Care was giving out pink bags... Well I did not want one..I don't need to be reminded....Goodness I know I have the dreaded disease cancer..I know they are doing their best to make everyone aware...Believe me I will be writing and encouraging women to get the mammos... .Another thing and I am so thankful what the breast and bone care people are doing..They are the sweetest people and they gave me a tote bag full of things...When David came over and saw the bag because I hadn't looked at it and goes through it and goes oh wow a goodie bag for having cancer...I died out laughing..That's my son for you...but it is true in a way...

Just know my blog isn't going to be about cancer all the time..I know it is a big part of my life right now...But my other part of my life is my family and friends.....I want to have fun.. I want to laugh.. Which I have been doing...I will be updating about what is going on...Tomorrow is oncologist to see what direction I will be going it.. Till then I will be relaxing with my rock...

Have a great day and may it be filled with many blessings...

Friday, August 19, 2011

Moving Day

Happy Friday....

Today was moving day for my daughter... I remember her first year of college and all the stuff she carted off to college...Today it was so easy to move her...she took very little... Dorm refrig and clothes...of course all her essentials and a couple of stuffed animals. Took only two trips up to her dorm... 4th floor...The college was all prepared for move in day....

It is Kim's Senior year and alot of people ask her why isn't she in an apartment...She said she would have to clean the bathroom and cook.. Everything is done for me..She is rooming with a friend from high school and both chose a dorm right across from the dorm..

Our plans didn't go as planned... We got her car packed and also my Son's Suv packed and we thought we were doing well with time....Get on 30 and then the ramp to go on I-380....on the ramp Kim's engine light came on and her car slow with a crawl and it was jerking... I thought the engine was going to fall out...so we pulled off and got our barrings together... Called Tim and Jessie and told them something is majorly wrong with her car...We are heading home...we crawled home under 2rpm...over 2 it jerked violently...We got home and she told me that Jiffy Lube talked her into putting this stuff in the gas....$30...So she called them and told them what happened...so we all followed Kim...they checked the car with the diagnostics test...It showed cam sensor....so he reset it... Checked other things out...Even tho I was so ticked at them for talking Kim into this stuff to put in her gas.... Of course we told her never to do that again... So we got on the road an hour later then expected..

After unloading her stuff, Tim and Jessie and Kim and I went out for lunch...Kim's favorite place..Carlos O Kelly's.... Dropped her off and said our good bye's...it doesn't' get any easier...

We were about 20 minutes out from her place and Tim realized he left his keys in Kim's car....So we had to turn around and go back... Called Kim and told her we needed to come back...It ended up being a good thing.. She had all 4 bins she had taken all unpacked...So when we met with her again she gave them back to us to take back...So we said our good byes again...

Now our home is empty...quiet...not the same.. We will have to get use to it all over again...But I know all my children are soaring in their own ways..I am very proud of all 4 of them...

May your weekend be filled with many blessings...

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Some answers....

I went to see the surgeon today.. He was so sweet and gentle and talked to me as a person... I am so glad he will be my surgeon..

I have to see a oncologist on Monday because my cancer is very aggressive and to see what path I am going on...I will tell you that I have some good news with all this..It is stage one level 3.. I have some decisions to make and will be making the decision on Monday after talking with the oncologist..

Please ladies if you are going through menopause and haven't seen your female doctor please do... I had not seen my ob since my hysterectomy since 2003, I felt I didn't need to...Well I am producing negative hormones on 3 levels and that is why my cancer is aggressive...I know I may not be giving the information correctly...But my decision to put my life on hold because of everyone else was a no no...my body can't fight the cancer because of no hormones.. So please please take care of yourselves....


The biggest decision I have to make and that is to go with total mastectomy or lumpectomy... Mastectomy I will have chemo...Lump- will be radiation... Sometimes with the lump one they may or may not get out all the cancer.. the Mast one is chemo...OR the surgeon told me the oncologist told me that I may have to have chemo before surgery and radiation after the surgery...The surgeon is leaning more on the last part... My surgeon and oncologist will be talking with each other on this matter...Decisions will be made on Monday...

In the mean time I am going through alot of things to start working on while healing.. Alot of homemade Christmas gifts.. :) The best part I will have my sewing room all in order... All I need is a TV in here and I will be set to go...Will ask one of my boys to please hook it up for me...I know I will be sick from chemo or radiation but I want it all nice and neat just in case..

I am very upbeat that it is still in Stage one...almost a 2...I know I will win this one...

I have ONE full day to be with my daughter as she will be leaving for college on Friday...Now that is going to be hard..I want to spend time with her and take her out to lunch tomorrow...Would take her out to dinner but she is going off with some friends tonight to Carlos O Kellys...

May you have a wonderful day and many blessings come your way...

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Reaction.....



I am so Blessed this morning...

I am blessed because of all the prayers and family and friends that surround me..

The hardest part was telling my kids about the cancer..I am not afraid of the word cancer... It scares me yes...But I am not scared of it..Matter of fact I am going to stomp it and smash it out of my life..The fight has begun...

Someone asked me if I was alone when I got the news...Yes I was alone...my daughter was on the treadmill exercising.. I didn't want to disturb her because I was still digesting the news.. Kim came out and I told her in between sobs and Kim was stunned because we all thought it was going to be benign....The calcification's were benign but the tumor was not.. She would not leave the room at all till I went to bed...

Sleep was good last night...I listened to the sounds of ocean waves and fell asleep talking with God...Have you ever done that and had the best night sleep...I woke ready to fight the cancer...

The bad thing about all this I texted my kids the news...The day of technology....And yes there is a world of information on the internet and all 3 boys got on to check it all out...All 3 boys wanted to know what they could do... Tim and Jessie kepted texting me with information and Tim called me with all this stuff and I told him right off the bat to stop reading on the internet...The internet can give you alot of information and it can scare the tar out of you....I had already done that. I had to stop reading all the information...When I told Tim to stop reading Jessie his wife said BINGO real loud to Tim... Ha...I cracked up...

When the boys asked what can they do for me last night and I told them that nothing...I don't need anything, it will be during the hospital stay and after..I said first your Dad will need alot of support and help... I said then the first few days after I will need your help...They all said okay...

Kim told me her plans about not going back to college and I said I didn't want to hear of it..She has enough credits to graduate but she needed a few more classes this semester to set it all in stone and that she could go to Iowa University and I said absolutely not...I don't want her to do that...

Now on to my hubby....I called him sobbing... I felt so bad for him...He couldn't leave work till he could talk to his boss..His boss was in a meeting that would not end till 4...I told Russ I am okay and he goes yeah right... He told me when he went to talk to his boss he fell apart...And on top of all this, this is a very important week with a client and he has to be at work...Russ is able to go with me to the surgeons appointment on Wednesday...I am so blessed he can do that...

Russ and I did a little talking when we went to KFC...I had to have some comfort food and I had to go with the worst there is... On the way to getting the KFC I told Russ that I didn't want to forget to laugh...I wanted to laugh dealing with this cancer...Right now my left breast looks like a purple egg plant...It is so bruised...But I laugh at it...Told Russ I wanted egg plant Parmesan one night..

I am scared of what will be happening...All I know is the waiting for the answer to come was the hardest thing.. I know my answer... I am blessed with knowing that..It's not the answer I wanted...and boy did I argue that with God last night... I prayed telling God that it says in the Bible to ask and ye shall receive... well I told him I didn't receive the answer I wanted...But it wasn't God's Will that it be benign.. I accept that...I accept HE wants me to go through this..So as I go through the next few weeks or months God will be by my side every step of the way...And so far it has been one day since the news I see my boys turning back to God with prayer..And that I love to see..That is precious to me...


So today I am going to go through some paper work and make sure everything is paid and everything is organized so I don't have to deal with this after the surgery...

This weekend my kids are coming over to help with the yard and help with the veggie garden...The garden is in sad shape and we are ripping most of it out...I want it all done so Russ doesn't have to deal with that... The boys said they will come and do the yard till mowing season is done...Russ's back can't handle it...Goodness getting old sucks...

I do feel blessed today....Today is a new beginning for me...Yes I said new...It is a whole new chapter in my life...And that is the fight of my life....

Have a great day and may it be filled with many blessings...

Monday, August 15, 2011

Monday



I am going to have a journey with lots of ups and downs...I have cancer.. A fast growing cancer...It the most common one.. Not melonoma which is good news..

I will be seeing a surgeon on Wednesday to see what course of action that is going to be taking place...

I will be a fighting for my life with someone right beside me and that is the Lord.. He will be my strength along with my family...

Thank you for all your prayers.. I have felt them..

Yes tears flowed...alot of tears...But it is time to fight right now...

Time to make some big changes...

Pray for strength for my husband and kids.. They need it..

Sunday, August 14, 2011

I almost got another cat....

I can't believe how fast the weekend went...It flew...I was busy and I am so glad it was busy...

Last week I drove the truck for Dan to pile his belongings in and he moved into his new place..

Thursday was the biospy and then friday I tried to rest like they said...I am sooooooooooo bruised...I wish I could take a picture but can't because it wouldn't be a appropiate...This morning I had more bruising this morning and I became worried because of bleeding...I rested and it has stopped..

Saturday since it was Kim's last weekend we decided to go to the casino..I don't know why I even go...Geesh..We had fun everyone broke even except for me...After coming home the kids were here and we grilled dinner..Again they wouldn't let me do the work...

Then this morning Tim and Jessie came early to help move some couches for Dan...Dan had to work this afternoon... So it had to be done early...I was not allowed to touch a thing... So I sat and played with 2 cats....Dan can not take the cats with him.. One is a stray and he is just beautiful..Long hair grey cat..He calls him Buster because he busted in to his basement a month ago and would not leave....So loveable.. I tried to coach him out in the sun and he was not going out because he made a new home... Dan's cat Callie is a calico cat is the sweetest thing...She would not leave Jessie and I alone...Jessie and I are both cat lovers and we were so torn... Dan is looking for a home for them...So I talked with Dan and told him I can not afford another animal... He said he knows and someone from work who loves cats and will not allow Dan to take them to the shelter..>She is taking both...But not till Wednesday...So I will take Dan to feed them at his old house.. I ALMOST said I would take them till the girl can get them and I knew if I said that I would keep them... So I am holding ground right now...UGH...So hard and so cute...Hard....

After moving Dan we went out to eat at Texas Roadhouse.. Goodness their steaks are out of this world.. All I know is I have had so much restaurant food this past weekend.... need to stop that...

Monday is back to normal till Friday and we move Kimberly back to college...Then we will be full fledged empty nesters once again...Not sure if I am looking forward to all this... I know I have been through all this before but it never gets easier...

I should hear about the biopsies either tomorrow or Tuesday... When I sit and am alone doing nothing is when I cry so I have been trying to keep busy.... I am glad that I have been busy...

Have a great evening....

Thursday, August 11, 2011

update

Thank you for all your prayers...I feel them.. Your the best...

Had the two biopsies... Ice packs on and the numbing wearing off, starting to feel like I was hit with a sledge hammer... But that's okay because I have to take it easy for a couple of days and that means I am going to take advantage of it.. :)

Tim and Jessie are bringing dinner for us...Love those guys...

I will know what the results are by Tuesday...I know alot of people think I should have an idea but now a days with sueing going on and they tell you one thing and then it is different...So they have to be careful and I do understand that...Patience is a virtue....It is teaching me to be very patient and normally I am not...

Thank you again for all your prayers.. I so appreciate you taking the time to pray..

Have a wonderful evening...

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Busy...

This week is going by fast and not sure if I like that or not because tomorrow I will be having the biopsies done....Not thrilled about it but who is??

Yesterday, I was helping my son Dan move into a much nicer place....100% better..much smaller but alot healthier...It's a cute place with real wood floors through out except in the bathroom and kitchen...I am so very happy for him...He is thrilled...Dan said something to me yesterday that each time he walks in the place looks smaller...I told him for a single guy it is very nice...I have no clue how his sectional couch is going to work out...But I know he will figure it out...The place comes with all blinds and I won't have to make curtains or anything..Again I am so very happy for him..

Dan's brother (Tim) and his wife are giving Dan a full size mattress...Russ and I went and picked that up last night..He is going to sleep at his new place tonight.

I am so glad that I have been busy...Quiet times are hard right now as I keep thinking or hearing a whisper that the one biopsy I shouldn't have...I don't know if I should listen to my inner thoughts...

This weekend will be busy.. We realized this is Kim's last weekend here before she goes off to college and so we are going to have some fun on saturday...Haven't decided what we are going to do...All I know is after doing what we decide to do we will end up here for another family grilling time.. Then Sunday we are helping Dan move all the big stuff to his new place..

The weather is beautiful...Woke to 58*s this morning and in the 70's today..Sweet..

Have a wonderful day...

Monday, August 8, 2011

A fantastic weekend...

Good morning and hope your week ahead is fantastic...

We had a great weekend... There are pictures below of some of my veggies..

Last night ALL my kids came for dinner..We had a great time.. My kids ate like there was no tomorrow. It makes a mom feel good that her kids devoured the food.. It was alot of fun. Dan show everyone how fresh Iowa corn is when you grill the corn right on the grill without it being in the husk.. He put butter on the corn and then rolled the grilled corn in parmesian cheese...It was outstanding...I made homemade mac and cheese and it went real fast...We had sliced home grown tomatoes from the garden to go on the burgers.. We had a great time laughing.. The time went real fast and we all decided that we need to do this more often...

I have to admit to one thing...This tumor of mine has turned so many things into positive things...Yes I am scared and I did have a moment or two this weekend...especially sunday morning.. I was in no shape to go to church so Russ just held me for along time and then I felt strength and then I realized it has opened my eyes to so many things... Postives...not negatives.. That we worry about things that I need to let go of and enjoy family... We all realized that we are so busy either rushing around or worry about why we can't do something because of money, that we are missing out in our lives and that is family and love... So that has changed in my life...


This weekend we are all helping Dan move into a duplex and the living conditions will be so much better.. I am so happy for him...Tim and Jessie are giving him a full size bed to Dan...Dan was very happy about that. So I am thrilled to see good things happening to Dan and he is doing it all on his own...

Our yard is finally weeded and mowed and it looks nice... I picked a few things in the garden this weekend...



This is the veggies I picked over the weekend...Not alot of tomatoes..>I have had alot of cucumbers from the plants that are in containers...As I said before my containters have given me alot this year..



Peaches...The peach tree is loaded and it is the first time it has bore fruit... We picked two to see if they were ready and they are not...Some have been bug bites but I think once riped I will see what I can slavage and make a peach cobbler for Russ.. He has waited along time for the peaches...



My herbs....going to dry them so I can have some fresh home grown herbs this winter...I only grew ones that I use alot of in all my cooking or fresh tea...

Have a great day and may it be filled with many Blessings...

Saturday, August 6, 2011

raining...

Russ and I woke early for a saturday and had our breakfast and got all ready in our garden clothes and we were going to hit the back yard and weed those wicked weeds..Open the door and everything is wet and it is raining...I didn't think to even look outside to see what the weather was... Ha.. Now we sit..

What do we do..We had our plans all set.. I told Russ that I almost want to go out in the rain and do some work... But i don't think the power cords would like the rain..Hopefully the rain will stop and we can get out there...

So for right now we are watching HGTV and watching yard crashers...I love that show..I sure wish I could meet up with Amed so he can do my yard...we need it badly..

I want to fix up under the deck and make new seat cushion covers for my swing... I want a place I could go to when the weather turns cooler to sit and relax...I would like to get match stick blinds to hang to block the afternoon sun...

How yard crashers is making me dream....I know I can make dreams come true... My goal is to redo my porch with zero dollars with what I have except for those blinds...Since summer is over I can wait to get them till next year...But to jazz my porch up with zero dollars I can do since I never get rid of fabric..so if it doesn't stop raining I will be working on seat cushion covers..

Tomorrow night I will have my kids over for dinner with grilling burgers and corn on the cob and homemade mac and cheese...and brownies for dessert...

You have a great weekend...May it be filled with many blessings...

Friday, August 5, 2011

2-weeks

It hit me this morning that in exactly 2 weeks from today, I will be moving my daughter back to college for her last semester of college...Where has the time gone. I know in the last 6 years we have been moving our kids back and forth to college.. Kim is my baby.. This will be our last move for her going off to college...Again we will be empty nesters.. December she gets her degree in accounting...Then she will go another semester to study for her CPA...

This morning for the first tiime in a week or so I went and looked at the garden in containers...After giving the dogs a bath and I am sure the plants got some shampoo diluted with water in the soil... It was nice clipping some herbs that will be used in the dinner I will be preparing.. I picked a couple tomatoes off the patio tomato plant I have...I think that plant has given me more tomatoes than the 12 I have planted on the side of the house.. I picked some cucumbers from the containers.. I don't think this winter I will be buying any cucumbers from the stores... after this summer and having an abundance of cucumbers and how good they taste, I don' want to taste a store cucumber...

Russ and I plan on working in the garden this weekend... It is over grown with weeds.. The tomatoes are cleared of weeds because I kept up with them...but they have not produced that many tomatoes.. I think I planted way to early...and the heat did them in...

Tonight I will be fixing beef burgundy with herbs grown from my garden...I realized this morning after talking about how I am not going to garden next spring,after picking my herbs and tomatoes and cucumbers this morning it just washed away those thoughts now...fresh home grown food is out of this world...

Going to hit my sewing room and enjoy the day sewing till my daughter wakes up and then we are going to go and do something...I want to cherish the next two weeks with her... Oh how I will miss her.... I know I will get over it...I have been through this before over and over but it never never gets easier...never...

In the meantime enjoy life, enjoy your family and friends...

Thursday, August 4, 2011

I don't like.......... :)



Remmy after his bath..Not to happy.. he doesn't like baths at all..But yet he will sit in a pool of water..




Holly after her bath...She wasn't thrilled...

Alot of good things are happening...

Today I picked up Dan and he came and mowed the front and back yard and I weed whacked the front..Since it has been hot the grass isn't growing as fast but the back yard has...It was pretty bad.. I thought it was a less humid day...Goodness I was wrong.. My shirt was wet.. Thank goodness I didn't have a white T shirt on..It would have been not been good... It is so nice to have the yard 3/4's looking great...

I don't know what Remmy got into in the back yard..It wasn't skunk but boy oh boy did he stink...UGh....So I had to give him a bath...I can't lift him into a bathtub..So Kim and I gave him a bath on the deck.. And I totally forgot all under the deck I had my container plants so they got a good soaking with shampoo in the water...Will see if they make it...Maybe I found out something by mistake and they love shampoo....I am hoping..

Yesterday my daugher in laws mother stopped by... Jessie ( my daughter in law) and her mom is part Indian.. Brenda, (Jessie's mom) and I haven't spent alot of time together and we are very cordial to one another.. Brenda came over and we talked and she asked me if she could have a healing time.. I have alway been opened to Indian culture.. I love how they are very spiritual... I am not going to get into all that happened but as she was putting her hands over me and getting the negative energy out of my body she came to a spot on my hip that has hurt for years... She got alot of hot negative energy out of my hip...I woke this morning pain free.. When she held her hand above the tumor alot of negative hot energy was coming from that area...Her hand was really hot.. I was praying the whole time to the Holy Spirit and it was amazing... I could feel so much happening...First with my relationship with Brenda... We found out we have so much in common...There is alot of other things that were happening and I found out alot about myself in how I connect to the Holy Spirit and how I was not trully connected.. That I knew everything about the bible and christianity but that I was not really connected... I was overwhelmed with alot of the stuff she said but it is the truth...I have never felt connected to the church and it is because I haven't trully connected even tho I believe in Jesus Christ and he died for me... I never connected spiritually..... Well I connected like I have never connected before...She told me that I am to love and serve while on this earth... WOW and I feel so free today...so free...

My husband saw the difference in me last night...He said something has happened with you..I see it in your face in how calm I look and how peaceful I look..

I know some will think I have gone off the deep end...I am opened mind about alot of things and my heart was opened yesterday... I feel so calm and happy...

Have a great day....

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

I am so thankful....



Good morning. I am so thankful for my friends, and blogging friends and I really don't like calling you the blogger friends.. You are my friends... Thank you once again for your prayers.. I feel them..

I thought I was the only one going through this and I am not alone..So many others have been through this before and your encouraging words are sweet and comfort..

I didn't mention that my lymph nodes under my arms are great. So that was GREAT news...

I am sore today...8 times my left breast was squashed.. They found calcification in the center of my breast...actually it was a line of calcification...I told them it look like the tail of the big dipper..... So I had to have a mammo laying down...There was a circle in the table and you lay down and stick your breast down this hole...They did this to make sure they can do a biopsy the same day as the tumor one...They don't think it will be anything because it is along a scar line from when I had a open heart surgery when I was a little girl... But goodness they had to squish my breast while hanging down there... I laughed and said I felt like a cow with her tits hanging down...They got a good laugh...AND!!! that is how they do the biopsy on this one...Not sure if I like that or not... The tumor biopsy will be by ultrasound guided..Which I had that one before for some calcification 9 years ago...

Yesterday Russ and I went out because he wanted a new I-tunes card and I wanted to get some wine to have last evening.... Goodness I am not a wine drinker...I don't know what it is about wine that I just don't like.. Now cooking with wine is a whole different story... I LOVE cooking with wine... The flavor is out of this world... Spaghetti sauce with burgundy in it.. Cheese sauce with white wine, Drunk chicken..That is what we call it...But it is chicken baked in dry white wine...Pot roast with burgundy or red wine in it...Drinking wine is not my cup of tea...Probably a good thing to.. :) My mom use to cook with wine and I do it occasionally and I think I am going to get back into cooking more with wines...I do not use cooking wines because they are high is sodium and not as big as a bottle...Get less sodium and more wine for your money with regular wine...

I was talking with Russ yesterday...we did alot of talking about everything...My hubby has been awesome the last few days and this has scared him about the foods we eat and all that...When I was growing up my parents ate healthy.. We never had pop in the house growing up...We had our own veggie garden. And we fished and ate pretty much what we caught.. I had to have liver alot...Calves liver and chicken livers...Will not eat a chicken liver to this day...I hated them.. My brother still eats them..YUK!!! PUCK!!! Have never had calves liver since I married Russ.. Won't either... But I sure can go back to the cooking with the wine and eating healthy... So our lives have been changed once again..I told Russ that last year it was his health problem and this year I guess it is mine...We will get through it....My strength comes from the Lord that is walking beside me holding me up and guiding me and giving me hope... So are you guys... I am so thankful for ALL my friends from my church to my friends that write and read my blog...

Ya'll have a great day and may it be filled with many Blessings..

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The news

I have a tumor...August 11th I go in for a biospy... actually 2 of them...one for the tumor and one for calcuim depoist... but it is along scar line so they are not that concerned but want to check it out.. I have had few tumors before and they have been benign elsewhere on my body....

I am okay about it...I haven't cried yet because I feel your prayers and I feel God's strength.. I also feel if they thought it was cancerous they would have pushed things ahead...

In the meantime I talked with Russ and we are going to go fully organic.... and we decided next year we will grow our own veggies again...but do things differently... Organic meats and vegggies and no more processed crap...

Ladies!! Please go for a mammo..... I have had the tumor for quiet sometime...I haven't had a mammo since 2003... I was stubborn...So please make your appointment if you have not had one for sometime...

Again thank you so much for your prayers..I feel them...